I'm a little early I know. I realize I could just flub the time on this post and none of you would be the wiser, but who would do such a thing? Not I!!

The New Year is supposed to be a time of reflection. Mostly I want to just stop and look at my calendar and say WOW! Holy Cow! Who would have ever guessed that we'd make it this far? I mean collectively as a species. Remember New Years 2000? Who could forget. Did anyone even guess that we would not only make it through that whole Y2K thing but then still be going so strong 4 years later? I didn't. Ok, I didn't actually think the world was going to end or anything. But I just didn't stop to think ahead and realize that not only would life as we know it continue. It would in fact continue as if nothing happened at all. It's just weird.

In a way it's sort of like the LOTR review I wrote the other day. Ok, the climactic moment is over. And life goes on. And on and on. : )

And aren't we supposed to have flying cars by now?

You know what one of the weirdest parts about New Year always is to me. As my life gets longer and longer the things that I've done become a smaller and smaller percentage of my life. And the things that I'm doing right now become a bigger and bigger percentage of my life.

For instance I've been married to Shawn for 6 years now. 6 years! Which is barely a drop in the bucket I know, but at the same time six years BEFORE I married Shawn I was 14!! 14!! Are you getting this?

So out of curiosity I just pulled out my journal from when I was 14. There was a December 22nd entry and a January 6th entry (very odd that there was no New years entry!). My original thought was to type them up and post them here. But after reading them that was clearly not an option!! LOL I was so young back then. So crazy and obsessed! At the time it was Rodney. A few of you knew me back then and some of you may have known Rodney. He wasn't the first guy I was ever obsessed with but he did fill most of my thoughts from about age 10 to age 15 (still less time than I've been married to Shawn!, weird.)

In these particularly entries I spoke of a baby and a miscarriage. I had to think hard to remember what the hell I was talking about back then. Rodney and I had been playing at the park one day behind his house and had managed to convince these two younger boys that I was pregnant with his child. So for a while after that we pretended I was. I took the whole thing SO seriously. Reading my journal entry you would think it was all real. In this particular entry I was plotting how I was going to tell Rodney's girlfriend that I WAS pregnant. In the end I decided that I shouldn't because he would hate me and never fall in love with me and marry me as planned. See. Crazy!!

The funnier is right in the previous entry I had convinced myself that I was still a kid and that the most important thing at that point in my life was to have fun and NOT worry about growing up too fast and being in love. Clearly that didn't last long! LOL

I've been thinking a lot in the last few months about how I feel like I have no passion in my life. I feel like my life has stagnated. I recall my teen years as being full of passion. When things were good they were fantastic, when things were bad the world was ending!

But now, after reading my journal entries I feel like now isn't so bad. LOL I may not have the passion for life I once had but I'm also not trying to kill myself or stalking people (that's a whole other blog!) And that's really probably a good thing. :)

So here's to 2004. May we all find some passion without becoming freakishly obsessed!

Happy New Year!!

So we're sick again! If you can imagine. This time I'm thinking flu. And we'll probably all die of it as warned by the drug manufacturers. My kids are sick and me too. Shawn is well enough, so we sent him out into the elements to get Chinese food. :)

What this means though is that he will undoubtedly come down with it once I'm getting well which means he will get to be a big baby and I will have to take care of him while still recovering myself. Ain't marriage grand? LOL

I watched a movie last night on TV called 'One True Thing' about a young woman who's mother gets cancer so her dad asks (demands) that she come home and take care of her. She does and in the middle of it all finds out that her college professor father is sleeping with his students. She tries to keep it from her dying mother and in one scene her mom says to her "There's nothing you know about your father that I don't know." She goes on to tell her daughter That she married him and this is what it's about. That she loved him and that trying to cut him out of the family would be like cutting him out of all the pictures. It would just leave a hole.

I cried and cried. It's hard to explain if you've never been there.

Oh I also watched LOTR the other day. LONG movie. I can't tell you anything about it except that the elf was still a big hottie and everytime I thought the movie was over it would come back on!! It could have been shorter!

I went to M'Ellen's party last night. I have to say it definitely cured me of my longing to move to a place where I don't know anyone.

I guess I can't even fool myself into thinking that I am outgoing. The truth is I'm SO NOT outgoing. LOL When faced with a crowded kitchen full of people I don't know, my first instinct is to run and play with the kids in the kidroom. :)

Maybe I'm just not a grown up yet.

I felt bad. I felt like I should be talking to other people besides Dawn. But I like Dawn and other people are scary. I think part of it is the whole not being able to hear people thing. It's hard to carry on a conversation with someone you don't know when you can barely hear them and are never quite sure if you heard them right. I find myself nodding and smiling a lot which serves well until they ask a question and you don't answer it. Then they think you're just rude. Damn my failing ears!

I will give M'Ellen props though for being an excellent hostess! She worked that crowed like no one I've ever seen. She even managed to engage my husband in conversation. I was quite impressed! And then as a thank you for her kindness he spilled red wine on her white carpet! I've never been so embarrassed!

As an extra bonus she had cool toys! I think part of the reason for keeping to the living room was all the toys were in there! :) I highly recommend M'Ellen's house for partying!

Dawn and I went out yarn shopping today. It totally sucked! LOL Just kidding! Well, not really, actually it did kind of suck because I only had like an hour to spend with her before I was supposed to go to (stupid)LOTR with my (stupid) husband. So I had to rush Dawn through yarn, which I think is something you shouldn't do. :( And THEN we didn't even go to the movie because it was sold out! >:( grrrrr

While out with Dawn we were talking about my nephew who is 6 and has taken up drawing detailed diagrams of various military weaponry (guns) which is driving my already frazzled sister crazy with worry. :) I told here there wasn't anything to worry about. That from my own childhood this is a stage that many (most?) boys go through. Girls draw horses, boys draw guns. It's as natural as breathing. Dawn pointed out to me that she never drew horses. And I admitted that I didn't either. Turns out we both spent disproportionate amounts of time pining over boys from a very young age though. And writing in journals about our infatuations.

So then I came up with deep bit of philosophy for the day.

There are four kids of people in this world.

Boys who draw detailed pictures of machinery.

Girls who draw pictures of horses.

Girls who journal about pining away for boys.

Boys who journal about pining away... for boys.

You all know it's true!

I got my husband some cologne for Christmas. It would seem like a big cliche except that he actually does like and need the stuff. :)

It reminds me of teen dances. Of sweaty teenage boys wearing loose dress shirts and too much cologne. Mmmmm... :)

I have to admit that just standing in the cologne aisle at Walmart smelling them got me a little... er... Horny. LOL I know, too much info right. :)

There's just something about a good smelling man!

Shawn has never that I can recall worn cologne. He's always told me that he used to wear Polo though. I compared the scent with several others and as it worked out it was my favorite too. Maybe I was unwittingly biased.

In any case he will smell great and we'll probably have a very nice Christmas night. ;)

So far the biggest change of being an unemployed family has been ALL THAT MONEY!!! LOL

When Shawn got fired he ended up missing only half a days pay on his last check. So it was a tiny bit smaller than usual but not much. Then on the same day that we got his last paycheck we also got paid his two weeks of vacation that he's earned for this year. Kinda like a severance thing. And they didn't take childsupport out of that so essentially we got a double paycheck +$200.

We had big plans to save a lot of it to live on and supplement the unemployment we will hopefully be getting. But we suck at saving money and have spent WAY more than we planned on Christmas. For example today we spent over $100 on food for one meal. Christmas Korean Dinner. Very spendy.

So with quite a bit of money still in the bank from payday today we got Shawn's bonus check from work. It's an attendance bonus and it's equal to, like, 3% of his yearly income. So basically another 3 weeks of pay there. At this point we have more money than we should as people without jobs.

We also have a profit sharing 401K thing that we're not sure what to do with. Right now the plan is to cash it out. It will be a few thousand dollars. (Enough to move far, far away, if we should decide to). Enough to keep us on our feet for quite a while especially if we get unemployment. Of course that would require us to not blow it all in a month. Which is what is more likely to happen. :(

So my point is that while I should feel the full effect of poverty soon, right now things are great! LOL Money to burn, my husband home and not tired and stressed, things have not really ever been better. :)

Weird.

Well, I'm sick AGAIN! It's got to be karma that I'm going to be sick for Christmas.

I don't have cold medicine so I'm making do with lots of alcohol. It tastes better anyway. :) I've been drinking Sex on the Beaches and Screwdrivers since they have orange juice in them and we all know orange Juice is exactly what you need when you're sick. LOL Oh and a little bit of Pepsi and Malibu because... well because I'm sure the Pepsi is good for a cold as well. ;) Needless to say I'm barely feeling the effects of my cold anymore.

Shawn and I were looking at the map at dinner (see the maps over the table have paid off) and discussing how damn big Alaska is. It's damn big! Now, I realize some of that is just the way the map is drawn because it's a flat map and they have to distort the northern parts because of the longitudinal lines but it's still damn big. I need a globe for better comparison.

Anyway, we were discussing Alaska. Shawn's Dad and Sister live up there. I've always said I would like to live up there. Well, as much as anywhere that's not here. So he says he's considering doing that get rich quick working on a fishing boat thing. His sister did that the first year I knew her. I suppose it's an option. :) I'd get to be single several months out of the year. WOOT! I don't think he was serious but I would like to think of this unemployment thing as a chance to make BIG changes instead of falling right back into the same routine we were in with another stupid job that's not going to get us anywhere but right here for 5 (10, 20) more years.

I would like to move far away. Someplace fresh and new. I don't know if I'm fooling myself or if I would really like that. I'm not the most outgoing person and I have a hard time making new friends. So I'm not sure why I think moving someplace completely foreign would be a good idea. Except that it might make it easier to depend on my husband as a friend more. Which could be good or bad I suppose. But it's just never been like that for us.

I'm really babbling! Too much 'cold medicine' I think. ;)

So since everyone seems to be reviewing LOTR's new movie I thought I should too. But I haven't seen the movie, and even that has been done. So I thought, instead, that I might review a movie I DID see last week. The Last Samurai.

The thing is that a movie review from me is about as useful as (insert really un-useful simile here - I can't think of one). I love movies. I'm not picky about them at all. In fact I can think of three movies EVER that I might have walked out of but of them 2 were on video so I simply stopped watching them and the other was in a highschool class so there wasn't that option. For the record those movies were. A Clockwork Orange, Pennies From Heaven (I think it had Steve Martin in it, or some guy that seemed like him in some way) and Death of a Salesman. (10 points if you can figure out which one was for class!! LOL)

What often happens is that I will see XYZ movie and afterwards someone will ask "So, how was XYZ? I've been thinking of seeing it, was it good." I will give rave reviews and based on my love of the movie they will also go see it. Weeks will pass and they will avoid me only to finally say something like "I can't believe you liked XYZ movie. I saw it and now I'm deeply concerned and wondering how I could have so completely misread your character".

But what they don't understand is that I just enjoyed the *experience* of the movie. The movie itself is secondary.

So all of that said I DID like The Last samurai (obviously). It's one of those movies that really makes you hate white people and American culture. Like when you watch movies about slavery, or taking over Indian land. It's like that. Also I started crying about 3/4 of the way through and just bawled like a baby until the end. Most movies have a crying part bout 3/4 of the way in and then give you a reprieve until the end where there will likely be more crying. But this one was pretty much crying the whole last 1/4 of the movie. And it was LONG!! So that last 1/4 was extra long. The guy that was in it (thinking Tom Cruise, bad with names, could be wrong) was cute and I think he did a good job. Of course honestly he could have been really lousy and it's likely I wouldn't have noticed at all. But judging by the fact that he made a lot of money making this movie it's probably safe to assume he did a good job.

The guy who played the Samurai leader reminded me of Chow Yun Fat (in Anna and the King) when he said 'conbersation'. If I hadn't been looking at him I would have sworn he was Chow Yun fat. But he wasn't. Now I'm thinking it's a little odd that I can recognize Chow Yun Fat, Jet Li, and Jackie Chan at a glance but can't tell you for sure if it was Tom Cruise. Evidently I *have* been living in a cardboard box for the last 6 years, and that box was clearly made in china!

And while I'm reviewing movies I should include the two I watched on video this week. Bruce almighty, which I liked (surprise, surprise). And The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which I liked even more. Bruce almighty was nice, Jennifer Aniston was adorable. Jim Cary was funny without being as over the top as he sometimes can be. I didn't know ANYTHING about TLOEG going in except that it had Sean Connery and that the images were dark. LOL I think that's the best way to go into a movie. It was full of extra surprises that would have been ruined if I had see a trailer for instance. Good movie. Interesting premise. And the guy who played Tom Sawyer seemed familiar and very cute. Defiantly would run off with him. If Mr. Connery was busy of course!

I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean last week. It was fun. I was actually disappointed because I had been assured it was a 'sexy' movie, but there was no sex at all! Now I'm questioning my friendship with Anna because of her review! LOL I think she just thought it was sexy because of her 'thing' for Orlando Bloom. ;-)

Since tomorrow is finally payday we had our final night of eat-whatever-we-can-find-in-the-fridge-so-we-don't-have-to-bounce-a-check. Tonight we had Turkey dinner.

We got this 22 lb turkey from Shawn's (ex)employer for Thanksgiving but had Thanksgiving with my family so we didn't use it. Since we've decided to do Korean food for Christmas I was left with either using the Turkey for a non holiday or looking at long term storage of this enormous bird in my tiny freezer for the next 11 months. Since I knew food and money were going to be tight I did the right thing and put it in the fridge to defrost for 5 days!!

Anyway, I have made turkey on my own exactly 3 times and every time it's absolutely delicious. My husband even commented that I make the BEST turkey he's ever had. And my husband rarely compliments food with actual words. So this is a big deal.

I don't understand why my turkeys always come out so good. I'm really not much of a cook. I have zero talent for kitchen matters. But turkeys just love me. Even the year that the turkey was slightly underdone (didn't allow enough time for defrosting) it was still succulent and delicious, and no one died. The outside was cooked fine and that was the part we ate. We didn't even realize it was underdone until we went to carve off the leftovers and nicked a bloody bone.

So tonight my gravy was too thin, and the potatoes were too spicy, my husband is out of work and Christmas is only days away, but by god that turkey was one of the best ever and at 22 lbs we should be in sandwiches for WEEKS!! :)

So we got another letter from Shawn's (ex) employer today. Figuring this was definitely the termination letter. Nope. It's ANOTHER copy of his life insurance paperwork identical to the previous copy except for the date which is five days later and where it says "reason for end of coverage" instead of saying Discharded, as it did in the first, this one says Terminated.

Are they just rubbing it in?

Bastards!!

We got a letter in the mail today from Shawn's employer. It's not a termination letter as expected. But it is actually from the Life insurance people assuring us that we can take our life insurance policy with us.

It's signed 'Best Regards'.

I can only assume that it got ahead of the termination letter in the mail somehow. You'd think they'd be more careful. Either that or they're trying to be subtle! LOL

There's a very fine line between being 'over' something and just repressing it.

For the most part life has just felt normal and level for a while then all of the sudden from left field a new friend innocently mentions that she knows the adulterous whore and my world is chaotic again.

I feel like crying and stabbing everyone all at once all over again.

*sigh*

With Scrolling Clitoral Action

I was innocently browsing the mouse section in Staples with my family yesterday when I came upon this mouse.



As I picked it up and played with it I realized it looked oddly familiar. I chuckled and held it up for Shawn to see saying "Does this look familiar to you?" He replied "Your sick!". I'd say that was a yes.

Do they do this intentionally? Was it a marketing ploy to make a mouse that was reminiscent of a vulva? Go Microsoft!

They could use this to their advantage though, and to the advantage of women everywhere. The could have virtual training programs to go with this mouse. Something with a female voice going "Scroll up, oh yeah, right click, left click, right, YES!!, now track up, up, up to the top of the page, YES!!, scroll, scroll, faster, faster..." Something like that.

Because in my experience men know quite a bit about using a mouse, And...less about...more important things! ;-)

Does this mean I'm a pedophile? Keep your kids AWAY!!


You are a child's kiss. Completely sweet and
innocent and pure. You mean no harm and only
love in your sweet kisses.


What kind of kiss are you?
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Shawn got suspended 'until further notice' from work. Which according to him is an attempt by his company to get him to quit instead of firing him. What this means for the moment though is we have no money! And that SUCKS!!

I wish they would have just fired him. At least that would be final. As it is we're just sort of hanging.

I guess the good news is he'll be home for the holidays! :)

I wanted him to find a different job anyway. I'm hoping this will be a blessing in disguise. Something good will come out of this I'm sure. :I

You are a neurotransmitter. You believe in the
good-naturedness of man's biology and soul.
You're happy, everyone's happy, and no one will
ever take that away from you. Or else you'll
make them go insane.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
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So there you have it.

Here I made a flake at Make-A-Flake too!!



I hate that my pictures are always so damn grainy!!! Bleh!

I think I need a robe. Don't you? Hmmm...

Now I'm sick! And I haven't even been near Dawn lately, I swear!

I think it must be divine backlash for becoming an ordained minister online. I should call M'Ellen's husband and as for forgiveness I guess.

Speaking of which I need to pick my official title as a minister. I will take votes please chose from this HUGE list.

Abbe
Abbess
Abbot
Ananda
Angel
Apostle of Humility
Apostolic Scribe
Arch Deacon
Arch priest
Arch Bishop
Arch cardinal
Ascetic Gnostic
Barron
baroness
Bible Historian
Bishop
Brahman
Brother (probably not)
Canon
Cantor
Cardinal
Channel
chaplain
Cleric
Colonal
Cure'
Deacon
Dervish
Directress
Disciple
Druid
Elder
Emmisary
Evangelist
Father (again probably not)
Field Missionary
Flying Missionary (lol)
Free Thinker
Friar
goddess (!!!)
Guru
Hadji
Healing Minister
High priest
High Priestess
Imam
Lama
Lay Sister (LOL)
Magus
Matriarch
Messenger
Metropolitan
Minister of Music
Minister of Peace
Missionary
Missionary Doctor
Missionary of Music
Missionary Healer
Missionary priest
Monk
Monsignor
Most Reverend Christian
Mother Superior
Mystical Philosopher
Orthodox Monk
Parochial Educator
Pastor
Pastor General
Pastoral Counselor
Patriarch
Peace Counselor
Preacher
Preceptor
Priest
Priestess
Prophetess
Prophet
Rabbi
Rector
Religious Preacher
Revelator
Reverend
Reverend Father
Reverend Mother
Right Reverend
Saintly Healer
Scribe
Seer
shaman
Shepherd
Sister
Soul Therapist
Spiritual Counselor
Spiritual Healer
Spiritual Warrior
Starets
Swami
Teller
Thanatologist
The Very Esteemed
Universal Philosopher of absolute Reality
Universal Rabbi
Universal Religious Philosopher
Vicar
wizard

personally I'm leaning toward Mother Superior. Because I *am* a mother and I *am* Superior!! LOL

This is to confirm that

KATRINA GUTLEBEN

has been ordained as a minister of the
Universal Life Church, Modesto, California.

Date of Ordination: 12/6/2003

by Kevin Andrews, Pastor
www.ulc.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Rev. GUTLEBEN,

Your request for ordination has been processed, and you are
now an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church in
Modesto, California! Please record the above date of
ordination for your records, as you may need this
information in the future to fill out the various forms of
the clergy. If you were ordained previously, the above
date will constitute a valid date upon which you were
RE-ordained. If you move or change your name, please
contact records@ulc.net to update your record.

Ordination is for life, without price, and without question
of your specific beliefs. You do NOT need to pay any
tithe, donation, or offering of any kind, now or in the
future.

Ordinations are individually reviewed and forwarded to
Universal Life Church International Headquarters in
Modesto, California, where it will be recorded in the
permanent church records.

As a minister, you are authorized by the church to perform
the rites and ceremonies of the church (except
circumcision), including weddings, funerals, baptisms and
blessings, subject to the laws of your country, state, or
locality. Prior to conducting any civil ceremony (such as
marriages), you should know and comply with the laws
pertaining to your area of jurisdiction.

You are entitled to all privileges and courtesies normally
offered to members of the clergy.

Your commitment is to always do the right thing. It is
your responsibility to peacefully and sincerely determine
the right course of action, and to avoid infringing on the
rights of others. You alone are responsible for your
actions as a minister.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can now perform Weddings, funerals, baptisms, and blessings! Kick Ass!!

Any takers? :)

I finally went to the new cool dollar store in Richland over by Winco. It's lovely and I will have to personally thank all of the Richland friends for their right on rave reviews. :)

I bought a trampy little 'dress up' (more like dress down!) top for Kathrynn. She has such a hard time choosing what to buy and I'm the bitchiest mom in the world because I only give them each a dollar when going to the dollar store! LOL Ok it's sad and funny but it's also true! What can I say I'm a horrible cheapskate! So she got her hooker top and Aiden got green pom poms. They also got candy and pop. So, see I'm not that mean!

I also got 2 maps. They had poster maps of the world and the U.S. for a dollar!!! I got one of each and hung them on the wall in the kitchen. I haven't looked yet to see if they're updated and accurate. In fact my neighbor came over and I mentioned to her that I haven't checked that and she asked "Why". I said something about Europe and how it's changed so much in the last decade (like I know anything about that) and she said "No, I mean why do you want those things on your wall."

After I picked up my chin I mumbled something about homeschooling....

Can you imagine? I mean why would I possibly want a map on my wall? Am I the only one who thinks this is a little strange? Do other people have absolutely no need to show their kids where we live in the world. This really bothered me. I mean more than is probably reasonable.

Once again, People are Weird!

I took an IQ Test today. I can't really recommend it because it's long, hard, and boring (there's a joke in there somewhere but I'm not going to extract it).

In any case I scored 135. I don't know if that's good or not because I couldn't find any kind of scale or ranking. If it's out of 200 that's not so great I guess. Maybe it's out of 140 and I'm a frickin' genius!! In any case I surprised myself on the math questions.

It also said I have the mind of a visionary philosopher! I think that must be good.

laleelaleeelaaleeeeelaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Mike for the fun game. Now I have one more excuse to neglect my children.

I made a few but can't figure out how to actually get the pictures to my blog so this will have to suffice.

My first one. (note: I didn't know where the signature was going to end up and that it was immovable!!)

'Self Portrait'

A visual marriage of every boy I've ever dated.

This one is sexually explicit! So if large erect male penises offend you, please don't click here!

Ahh.. now that was a majestic romp through my psyche wasn't it. ;)

Is this really the safest idea? Shouldn't this have a big ol' "Warning: Bully Magnet" sticker on the side?

You just find the oddest things online when you're not even looking for them...

C.U.D.D.L.E International

Mission Statement

C.U.D.D.L.E. International, founded in 2002, is a privately funded organization dedicated to dispelling social prejudices and discriminating laws based on common myths about cousin marriages.

I just don't know what I could even to say to make this weirder. I'll let it stand as is. :)

I just love the idea that I can become and ordained minister by mail almost immediately. That would so totally kick ass!! Then you could all just call me Reverend Katie. Yeahhh...

Check it!

Some are cool and some are cheesy. I'm particularly fond of the 'School Sucks' lunchbox! LOL

I had an epiphany of sorts today. I've always had a hard time making friends. I have really great close friends but the thought of making new friends seems completely absurd.

Today I realized what it is that seals the deal so to speak and helps me to form a good friendship with someone.

Repeated Exposure.

Preferable in small doses over a long period of time.

For example. Dawn is one of my closest friends. It's hard to pin down exactly when this happened though. I first became aware of Dawn's existence in Jr. High. She was in 8th grade and I was in 7th. I didn't really know her, or even her name for that matter. I remember her vividly although I never spoke to her.

There were several times during highschool when I got to know her a little better. Even went to her house on a couple occasions. Once for a party and once because I was sort of dating her cousin who was living there.

It wasn't until college when I really got to know Dawn, and we worked together at McDonalds. At one point she got kicked out of her house and she came and lived in my house for a while. It's weird because there was still so much I didn't know about her then. But in the years since then we've grown very close.

Odd to think she's played at least a minor roll in my life for 14 years!! wow!

I met Leanne in JrHigh as well. She was in my 'clique' because we were a bunch of people who didn't fit in anywhere else. But we hated eachother! We had a friend in common but Leanne and I weren't really friends at that point. Even up into highschool she was sort of a side character in my life. But once again through repeated exposure she and I because very good friends. And by the time she went off to college we were best friends.

Again I've known her for 14 years. Sheesh. I'm old!

Probably one of my newest friends is M'Ellen. But even though our friendship is pretty new, I have in fact known her for quite some time. She was the Leader at LaLeche League when I went when Kathrynn was a baby. That means I have known 'of' M'Ellen for 5 years. Almost two years ago now I ran into M'Ellen online on a registry for homeschoolers. We chatted a bit because we had both put that we were unschoolers. I think we exchanged a few emails before I realized she was someone I already sort of knew.

I imagine that in the last 14 years there were hundreds of people I met and thought I might hit it off with only to never see them again and not get the required repetition to create a friendship.

I guess my point is that things take time. If someone had told me when I first met any of these women that one day we would be very good friends I never would have believed them. In the same way if someone had told me the first time that I met my husband that I would be marrying him someday I would have laughed in their face!!

Life has a weird way of working out.

My sister called me yesterday to ask if I had been watching the news and heard about the fire at the Playground of Dreams. I hadn't. We don't get TV.

The first thought that went through my head was 'Good maybe when they rebuild it they can redesign it with a more convenient entrance'. This before I though how awful that is that someone would do such a thing.

I took the kids there to look at the damage and Aiden cried. Kathrynn didn't which is a bit of a surprise since she cries about EVERYTHING! I'm sure a year from now she will relive it and I will hear it through tears at bedtime. For now she was a pretty angry about the Bad People and why would they do such a thing.

There a 'Police Line - Do Not Cross' tape all around the playground. Because it IS a crime scene. But we saw several adults who apparently didn't think this applied to them and they were way past the line so they could take pictures.

one lady was taking pictures of her son smiling in front of the burned out playground. She kept telling him not to smile but apparently when the camera points he just can't help it.

People are weird.

My friend came by today to show off her new baby. He's a cutie. He's one week and a day old, lots of black hair, tiny cutie, sweet little baby.

And here I sit hours later, still not pregnant.

There's a term for that feeling women get around a newborn baby. Babylust. I've had babylust with a vengeance my whole life. But today I guess I have reached a new level in life. I guess I'm baby frigid. I just don't want one.

I thought I might. I put off seeing the new baby for a week and a day knowing that when I did my resolve would vanish and I would rush in to the midwife the next afternoon and demand that she remove my IUD. I surprised even myself today.

He was an adorable baby, didn't really cry, barfed on me a bit, I admired him, smelled his little head and got that familiar cramp in my shoulder from holding him for a long long time.

And still no overwhelming urge to procreate.

When it was time for them to go I happily handed him back to his mother with nary a pang to speak of.

Wow! Now I know how men must feel.