I've struggled with my weight my whole life. And by struggled I mean I've watched it steadily climb year after year and got depressed about it but never actually tried to DO anything about it.

Well that's not entirely true. Last year I did attempt the Atkins Diet (my first real attempt at a diet ever) but the movie theatre popcorn did me in.

I read recently that the average adult gains about three pounds every year. This is regardless of losing and gaining large amounts of weight. This is the steady weight gain that just doesn't go away, or generally really get noticed. This is why we can almost always look at pictures of ourselves 5 or 10 years ago and go 'Wow, I was kinda thin then!"

Anyway, I decided if the average adult gains 3 pounds I must gain 5. And considering my weight right now this doesn't bode well for my future at all! In fact it pretty much says I will keel over from a massive coronary sometime in the next week!

Both of my parents have been overweight most of the time I've known them. Although I imagine they both weigh less than me right now. My dad has had a heart attack (and double bypass surgery) and my mom has had 2!! Plus cancer in her kidney and cirrhosis of the liver, and diabetes to boot! So I don't exactly come from the healthiest of stock. The sad thing was that when they were twenty six they were both young, 'thin' and active. Me I'm old, fat, and sedentary.

It's not that I'm a vain person. I am not particular about my looks. I'm not on the dating scene so I have no use for gorgeous. But I really don't want to be dead. And I feel almost as negatively about being so unhealthy I can't get out of my bed to get my oreos from across the room. In the last few years I've really started to notice the effects of gravity on my oversized ass. I have zero energy and my feet hurt just walking around. I don't want to play with my kids. This is bad!

I think the biggest blow yet was when my sister-in-law got her stomach stapled. She was SO overweight that she had actually died twice in the hospital. Her heart stopped and she was dead TWICE!! SO she got her stomach stapled so she would lose weight. I inherited her old clothes. *ouch*

I don't want to go down that road. My problem is that I lack motivation. I lack drive and initiative. When my parent's had their various brushes with death I felt strongly that I needed to lose weight, but not strongly enough to do anything about it. When my sis-in-law gave me all her clothes I felt it then, that's when I went on Atkins.

I'm just tired. And losing weight sounds like work, and I HATE work. I'm to lazy to do it so I guess I'm doomed to gain weight year after year and hope they have a hoist strong enough to drag my dead fat self out of the house when the time comes.

*sigh*

Yes I'm feeling a little depressed right now, thanks.