OK lets face it all tongues are gross. But that's not the point I'm making here mine is REVOLTING! It's actually breaking out in a riotous frenzy inside my mouth. The battle lines have been drawn and my tastebuds are dutifully marching to the front lines!

I mentioned several posts ago that I suffer from a condition called 'Geographic Tongue'. It's about the vaguest disorder this side of ADHD. For starters the name 'geographic tongue' is supposed to man that your tongue looks like a map. I guess Mappy Tongue didn't sound scientific enough and Flaming Tongue of DEATH was just not graphic enough.

Based on my extensive research Geographic tongue is sometimes caused by bacteria, sometimes by yeast, sometimes by a fungus, and occasionally by allergies. It may or may not be systemic and may or may not require direct contact. They've really been able to pin this thing down as you can see.

The list of 'cures' I've found online is extensive and reeks of snake oil. Basically you can try any of a number of cures and they will either help or aggravate the condition further. I've also read that it is a chronic condition and there's no cure just ways to have less oubreaks, and some of the methods are reported to take up to three months to show any results.

Now I ask you, if you were suffering from red horrendously painful lesions on your tongue and the recommendation was to brush them vigorously with baking soda toothpaste UNTIL THEY BLEED would you do it? What if it might take three months of this masochistic behavior to show results and THEN the results were not even guaranteed to work at all?

The question then in my mind was who is the idiot who came up with this? What was going through his mind. "I just know if I keep making my tongue bleed it will eventually get better." ????

The problem with my geographic tongue is it's getting progressively worse. And it seems to be uprising against my favorite foods. Here's a short list...

Ketchup!!!!
Strawberries
Peanut Butter
Mexican Food
Doritos!!!!
yogurt
Alcohol!!
Oranges
Lawry's Seasoning Salt

Now I ask you. How am I to survive?? Specifically without Ketchup Doritos, and Alcohol? Have you met me? Do you realize the travesty this is in my life? It's almost enough to make we want to brush my tongue until it bleeds every day for three months!