I'm a little early I know. I realize I could just flub the time on this post and none of you would be the wiser, but who would do such a thing? Not I!!

The New Year is supposed to be a time of reflection. Mostly I want to just stop and look at my calendar and say WOW! Holy Cow! Who would have ever guessed that we'd make it this far? I mean collectively as a species. Remember New Years 2000? Who could forget. Did anyone even guess that we would not only make it through that whole Y2K thing but then still be going so strong 4 years later? I didn't. Ok, I didn't actually think the world was going to end or anything. But I just didn't stop to think ahead and realize that not only would life as we know it continue. It would in fact continue as if nothing happened at all. It's just weird.

In a way it's sort of like the LOTR review I wrote the other day. Ok, the climactic moment is over. And life goes on. And on and on. : )

And aren't we supposed to have flying cars by now?

You know what one of the weirdest parts about New Year always is to me. As my life gets longer and longer the things that I've done become a smaller and smaller percentage of my life. And the things that I'm doing right now become a bigger and bigger percentage of my life.

For instance I've been married to Shawn for 6 years now. 6 years! Which is barely a drop in the bucket I know, but at the same time six years BEFORE I married Shawn I was 14!! 14!! Are you getting this?

So out of curiosity I just pulled out my journal from when I was 14. There was a December 22nd entry and a January 6th entry (very odd that there was no New years entry!). My original thought was to type them up and post them here. But after reading them that was clearly not an option!! LOL I was so young back then. So crazy and obsessed! At the time it was Rodney. A few of you knew me back then and some of you may have known Rodney. He wasn't the first guy I was ever obsessed with but he did fill most of my thoughts from about age 10 to age 15 (still less time than I've been married to Shawn!, weird.)

In these particularly entries I spoke of a baby and a miscarriage. I had to think hard to remember what the hell I was talking about back then. Rodney and I had been playing at the park one day behind his house and had managed to convince these two younger boys that I was pregnant with his child. So for a while after that we pretended I was. I took the whole thing SO seriously. Reading my journal entry you would think it was all real. In this particular entry I was plotting how I was going to tell Rodney's girlfriend that I WAS pregnant. In the end I decided that I shouldn't because he would hate me and never fall in love with me and marry me as planned. See. Crazy!!

The funnier is right in the previous entry I had convinced myself that I was still a kid and that the most important thing at that point in my life was to have fun and NOT worry about growing up too fast and being in love. Clearly that didn't last long! LOL

I've been thinking a lot in the last few months about how I feel like I have no passion in my life. I feel like my life has stagnated. I recall my teen years as being full of passion. When things were good they were fantastic, when things were bad the world was ending!

But now, after reading my journal entries I feel like now isn't so bad. LOL I may not have the passion for life I once had but I'm also not trying to kill myself or stalking people (that's a whole other blog!) And that's really probably a good thing. :)

So here's to 2004. May we all find some passion without becoming freakishly obsessed!

Happy New Year!!