Quite possibly the most sexist of holidays.

Anyone who's ever been a teenage girl knows how devastating Valentine's Day is. It's like a kick in the gut. You already know you don't have a boyfriend. And you know that the cute guy you have a crush on is NOT going to give you a glance much less roses or candy. And it seems there's almost no way to take this into our own hands. I tried giving guys flowers as a teen. Ok, they didn't throw them down and stomp on them or anything but it just doesn't melt their heart the way it does a woman. Candy they eat, cards they read. But they seem completely nonplussed by the whole gesture.

Valentine's day is totally about women. It's supposedly all about lovers and shit but really it's all about buying things for women. Romance, yes, but it's all about men creating romance for women. Which is just frustrating for women because before men can even think to want to create romance for you, they have to THINK!!

I was in the store looking at the candy the other day. I had a passing thought that went something like this...

"Ooo look Valentine's day candy. I should buy my husband a card. I should buy him candy! I don't have enough money to justify wasting money on gimmick candy or a card. Wait I have food stamps! Is it wrong to let the government subsidize my gift of love to my husband? Would he even like it. What would HE want for Valentines Day? Not candy!" So I walked away.

They need more marketing geared at women buying things for men. I don't know what that might be but surely there are things they could market for men, dress up in some pretty red packaging, something that would melt their heart and pound into their head how much you care about them. Like for my husband it would be a new DVD burner. I could see that. All pretty and pink with red x's and o's all over it. Or a new hard drive with "I Love You" emblazon across it. There has to be something. Seems about the only thing you can find for men is boxershorts and risque underwear. And sometimes that might not be the message you want to send.

I guess I need a girlfriend then? Someone I can send flowers and candy. Someone who would understand WHY I sent them. Because dammit I LOVE flowers. And in my entire coupled life with Shawn I have received flowers exactly one time from him. So SOMEONE should be getting flowers!

Did you know that six years ago on Valentine's Day I was on my honeymoon at Disneyland. We were walking down the street to Disneyland from our hotel and it was raining. Across the street there was a vendor selling single red roses. I don't know how much they were. Less that $5. He actually asked me if I wanted one. What was I supposed to say? So we walked on And I wanted to smack him and say "What the hell!! Of course I want one you twit!" I was pregnant and angry and wet. Ahhh now there's a good first Valentine's Day story hu?

Yeah, I'm just bitter. I hate Valentines day.