I just got off the phone with Shawn. He's on his way here. He wasn't supposed to come until the middle of the month but he told his company that he got served with divorce papers and needed to come here as soon as possible. It's a tiny white lie. We had agreed that he would sign the joiner on the papers and then just send them back so I can file them. But apparently there were a few things he wanted to go over in person. Whatever.

So he's on his way with a load headed for Oregon. He's currently in Nevada. When I talked to him he was in Walmart and kept talking to someone. I asked him who he was talking to. He said AMY!! Really?

So, yeah, he's bringing Amy with him. He's only going to be here one or two days to fill out papers and spend some much needed time with his children who miss him terribly. And he's bringing her along! Is it unreasonable of me to expect that he come here to see his kids, and SEE HIS KIDS!!

There is one little tiny little part of me that is excited to finally get to meet her. But the rest of me is seething with anger! I don't know if I can even express what I'm feeling.

ANGER! Because he did this. He did it without telling me and didn't tell me all the way from OHIO to NEVADA! Then he has the gall to say "Is that OK?" as though I have any choice in the matter at this point.

JEALOUSY! Because he spent 9 days at their house in Ohio with her and her kids. And then brings her along with him on the two measly days he's spending with my kids. Kathrynn is sad a lot about the fact that he spends more time with Jasmine than with her. This isn't going to help.

FRUSTRATION! I was even planning to clear out and give him some one on one time with the kids without me interfering. Fat chance now!

SADNESS! Because some part of me thought maybe it would be easier for him to be a better father if he didn't' have to do it all the time. Clearly he thinks less about his kids now than he ever did before.

STRESS! Fuck now I have to clean! And not like 'oh my ex who I was married to for 8 years is coming I better tidy up'. But like fuck I have to really clean because she will be here! In my house, in my kitchen, in my shower!

HATE! I don't want her here in my house, in my shower. But when I asked if they would be staying in a hotel he said probably not because of finances which means they will be staying in the truck. Either in front of my apartment or at a truck stop and if it's at a truck stop the kids will see even less of him!

I just want to stab him! And I totally want to bitch slap her!

I wondered what kind of mother would let some guy just waltz back into her life and the life of her kids like that. What kind of mother would hop back in bed with the father of one of her kids without a second thought to what is going to happen to her 10 year old daughter who's never met her dad when the inevitable happens and they break up. What kind of Mother wouldn't just step back and let him build a relationship with his daughter! Part of me wants to respect her. Part of me wants to believe that she's A mother so to some degree she must be a good mother and give a shit about her kids and other kids. But what kind of Mother, what kind of PERSON would be willing to travel across the country to invade some other mother's home and family. Uninvited! Without even knowing if she would be welcome!

Seems to me they're perfect for eachother! Neither one of them gives a flying fuck about anything except themselves!

I haven't told Kathrynn anything about Amy at all. I don't want her to be surprised but I don't know what to tell her. I can't not tell her anything. She's going to be very disappointed. She's dying to sleep in Daddy's truck with him next time he comes.

I don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to say no. But I can't really do that. I'm sure I'll end up playing the gracious hostess.