You know for someone who was so involved in drama back-in-the-day I really really suck at public speaking.  The only good thing I can say about my personal commercial is: It's OVER!!!

It's sad to watch others do their commercials and see who some of the people in this class are and their background.  People with bachelors degrees and 14 years of experience in a field.  But they still can't find a job.  Man, the job market sucks.

And then there's this one guy who asks (3-4 times a day I swear) about background checks and how far back any given company goes.  LOL  Hmmm, what's he hiding?

Friday we all 'Graduate' from the workshops and go our separate ways.  Alice has promised us that she will be 'bringing calories'.

I will miss Moneisa.  Moneisa is a woman in the class who I feel I became friends with.  She also had one of her kids with a midwife and mentioned that to me on the first day.  She's one of those people, it seems, who befriends anyone and everyone.  She's an all around nice person and I think she will go far.  =)  And I'm completely jealous of her hair!  She's black and her hair is basically buzzed.  I'm always jealous of black women and how they can do that and look completely cool.  I think if I shave my head people would think I was either crazy or undergoing cancer treatments.

I went to the informational hiring thing at Fred Meyer today.  Turns out they are looking for a Playland Attendant.  So I have a definite edge over almost anyone else who applies.  Anyone wanna place bets? (I could sure use the money!!)  =)

 

Today we were greeted by a woman giving a small presentation on a local business which offers CDL training.  The class is regularly over $3000 but being involved in workfirst we can take it for free.  Free training and they cover the cost of the CDL.  Plus they can apparently almost guarantee you a job.  It's not my life's ambition to be a truck driver and be on the road for 3 weeks at a time (Ok, you caught me, it is) but I might just take the class because, hell, it's free!!!

After this lady spoke another lady spoke about something... honestly couldn't say exactly what.  She did give us papers explaining proper dress code for the workshops which by my understanding we had already covered during the orientation and on day 1.  But, hey, I guess it's always good to have it there in black and white.

Then there were two ladies who came in to give a brief presentation on domestic violence.  The lady who actually did the speaking was WAY too perky and happy for her subject!  WAY!  The whole time they were talking about how evil men are and how any domestic violence situation, if left unattended long enough, will lead to murder (!!!) I couldn't help putting myself into the shoes of the two men in the class and wondering how they must be feeling about what was said.  They make domestic violence sound as common as dishwashers.  Weird.  Maybe it is.  I don't know.  I can't even imagine what I would do if any man ever hit me.  I just can't even conjure it in my mind.  I guess that's a good thing. 

After all the speakers we got to work more on our resumes and create a 60 second commercial to sell ourselves which we have to video tape tomorrow.  And I thought making a resume was bad enough.  It just gets worse and worse!

On the up side (???) I stopped at Fred Meyer on the way home to turn in my application.  They are having an informational meeting tomorrow for applicants.  So my timing was good.

I also stopped by McDonald's to turn in an application there.  They looked at it briefly and then asked me to stay and do a little quiz/test.  I feared they were going to to hire me on the spot but they said they would call me because they needed to check my work references.  Which includes calling the other McDonald's where I worked once-upon-a-time.  LOL  I'll laugh if they say I'm not eligible for rehire.  That'll rank right up there with being turned down at Taco Bell because of my personality profile!

Holy God!  If there is anything more depressing than pondering my goals and accomplishments it's making a fucking resume!!  I was never any good at this before.  But now I feel totally inept.   It's frustrating because I have a lot of interests but none of them have ever played out into my work experience.  Not even volunteer work or anything interesting like that.

For instance there's a job in the paper for a production technician helping make radioactive isotope cancer drugs.  No experience necessary.  Awesome job!  I could totally do that.  I would really like it I think.  I've always been really interested in science particularly cutting edge medical science.  Ok, I may not always agree with the things they do but I am still way interested!  And I took 4 years of various sciences in highschool and more in college.  But other than an interest I have nothing to show them on a resume except my vast experience working at McDonald's and Fred Meyer.  I can wow them with my ability to make fries!

Even worse than the resume though is the cover letter.

Dear Scientist,

I noticed you have a job opening for a technician making cancer drugs.  Please note my unbroken run of minimum wage jobs on my resume and hire me.

*Sigh*

 

As a condition of getting help from the state while Shawn can't work, I have to be looking for a job.  Specifically I'm supposed to be spending 40 hours a week looking for a job. 

Today I had the first of 5 mornings in a WorkFirst training workshop designed to get me ready for the job search scene.  Getting a resume, learning to dress appropriately etc.  It really wasn't so bad.  The instructor, Alice, is nice, she laughs a lot and is friendly.  My only complaint with Alice so far is that she moves around WAY too much while she talks and she makes too much eye contact.  I know you're supposed to make eye contact when you're talking to a group but does it all have to be with me?  I always felt like she was waiting for an answer from me.

One of the exercises was to write down why we want to work.  Fact is I don't.  But I decided that wasn't  the answer they were looking for.  I wrote instead that I wanted to be able to provide for my family while my husband is out of work.  That's true enough.

In another exercise we had to wrote down our biggest accomplishments and successes.  I had a hard time with that.  Quite frankly I don't feel that I have accomplished many big things and all of the big things I do are works in progress.  My big accomplishments are

*Birthing a 10lb 9.6 oz baby at home.
*Keeping my marriage together when it seemed destined to fail.
*Keeping my kids out of daycare.

These ARE big accomplishments for me and many of the people I associate with but in a Workfirst group where the big accomplishments were 'Divorcing my husband after 12 years' and 'Helping my daughter get good grades in school', well, I felt a little out of place and I honestly felt that what I consider accomplishments in my life are almost the exact opposite of most of the other participants.

We also had to list our goals.  This was hard for me.  Most of my goals are far off and idealistic and not things I'm actively working towards.  My goal right now is to make it to September and find a way to pay my husband's medical bills.

Also I've decided I should take up smoking.  Because in this workshop (which is only 3 hours long) we get 3 ten minute breaks to smoke.  WOW!

 

I added the blogs of the younger set to my sidebar.  I did this mostly because I like to read them and hate having to track them down on other blogs.  They're cool and worth reading anyway.

I titled the section training blogs.  It was supposed to be a play on training bras but it's such a vague reference that I have to point it out.  Which is sad.  Because in order for it to really work I shouldn't have to mention it.  *sigh*

The other morning my husband woke up, looked at me and said "I just had a sex dream about Dawn!"  I laughed and asked how it was and he said it wasn't that great.  I was shocked because in my dreams it's always pretty good.   Really, why would you bother having a sex dream about someone if it wasn't even good sex?  What does that say, really?

Apparently Keith started the whole thing by spontaneously making out with me.  When Shawn saw that he thought 'What the hell' and started making out with Dawn.  LOL  One thing led to another and in the end I ended up pregnant with Keith's kid and Dawn with Shawn's.  Wow!  Talk about your crazy family ties!  ;-)

 

I met my father-in-law's 'girlfriend' last night.  Patty was very nice.  Not only was she fun to talk to but she made my father-in-law fun to talk to AND she managed to drag him out of the house at a decent hour.  My father-in-law is notorious for staying and engaging us in mind numbing 'conversation' until we fall asleep on the couch, or he does.  I'm NOT KIDDING! 
 
Patty and Phil are down from Alaska for a brief visit and of course they brought presents for the kids.  Kathrynn got a Mt. Rainier treasure chest complete with a  few treasures and Aiden got a Stuffed (toy) raccoon and a t-shirt with a raccoon, chipmunk, and bear on it.  He was having a great time wearing the t-shirt and playing with the raccoon.  He kept running downstairs to get more stuffed animals to play with too.  He was showing each one to Patty. 
 
Suddenly Aiden starts going "Look, See?"  motioning to the animals he had brought up from the basement.  He finally succeeded in getting everyone's attention and we noticed that he had reinacted the scene from his shirt he had a bear, his raccoon, and a squirrel (cleverly playing the part of the chipmunk).  All in the same positions as on the shirt.  We were all appropriately impressed.

Here I sit blogging in near silence.  Just the tap, tap, tap of the keyboard.  Oh, and the melodic snoring of my family in the background.  The great big daddy snore, the medium sized Kathrynn snore, and the wee little Aiden snore.  I guess I should join them. 
 
Note to self: Need Bigger Bed.

Well Shawn had his surgery and all went well.  I wasn't terribly impressed with his surgeon mostly because he didn't come and talk to me after the surgery.  But I called and left a message for him today and he called me back on his cell and talked to me, so I don't hate him.
 
This morning I found out that L&I denied the claim.  Can't say I'm surprised but I was sort of under the impression that they were going to accept it since they went ahead and did the surgery at the surgery center.  See, they told me that they were going to do the surgery at the hospital if the claim wasn't approved so we could get DSHS to cover it.  So when they scheduled it at the surgery center instead well, I just assumed.  Not to self: Don't Ever Assume!
 
Shawn has 2 pins in his last two fingers on his right hand.  They have to remain in the splint (which is really more like 1/2 of a cast than what I think of as a splint) for about 4 weeks and then the pins will be removed.  At that point my understanding is they will cast again for a short time.  But I guess that might not happen.  I sure love knowing what the hell is going on!!! 
 
After his surgery I had to go to two different pharmacies to find the drugs he needed.  This took longer than it should have and consequently when I finally got home he was doubled over in pain.  He says it's the worst pain he's ever had in his life!  I wish I were more sympathetic but having delivered a 10 lb 9 .6 oz baby at home without pain medication it's hard to not just look him in the eye and call him a big baby!  :)  I'm so mean! 
 

Tomorrow, I'm seeing Annie, tomorrow, in Walla walla, live on stage.
 
Tomorrow, tomorrow, with my mother, and my sister, and my sister-in law, four neices, and Kathrynn.
 
(if you're good you can sing it.  ;) )
 
 

Well the title pretty much says it all.  I fixed all the out-of-date-edness in my links.  That is I updated CV and Dawn and added Chelee and Troy's new one and I just got rid of Amy completely because she hasn't posted in SO LONG that I fear she must be dead!  And I try not to link to dead.
 
 

The wrist is in fact broken. And two of the fingers are dislocated. It's going to be surgery and pins for Shawn and a cast for 4-6 weeks. Then pins removed and another cast for 1-2 weeks. Oh the Joy!

That's 2 months people! Two full months in which the surgeon says my husband can't be driving a forklift or doing anything really at work since it's his dominant hand.

GRRRRRR!!!!...

Looks like I get to go find a job again. Whoopi!! My favorite.

In a remarkable role reversal though Shawn is trying to look on the bright side of this. Talking about how this happened for a reason (aside from him being an idiot) and thinking he might be motivated to go to college and get some degree to get out of this frustrating field of work. I'd be really happy if I weren't so damn annoyed with him right now.

I'll admit it's somewhat gratifying when he mentions how much pain he's in.

In response to a post by Mary Ellen Stephanie said this...

"Hunter gatherer cultures spend far more time gathering than hunting, and both sexes do it in most HG societies. Meat is usually a supplement, not a mainstay. Both genders spend most of their time gathering. Hunting however is usually male dominated. I think there are several reasons. Greater strength and that men are the more expendable gender are the two that come to mind. I think women were kept from hunting so there would be plenty of available wombs to perpetuate the society."

Right because with one man and 3 women society could be rebuilt, albeit slowly. But with 3 men and one woman. Well, tired woman, fighting men. :)

So is a man's 'expendability' because society says so or is it because that's the way they're wired?

Or is it a careful balance of each? Men are more likely to dart into danger to protect the 'pack' where women are more likely to face danger only to protect her 'own'. Grossly over generalized I know but still basically true. Right?

The reason why my husband would fight in a war to protect something as vague as 'Democracy' while someone would have to be standing on my doorstep threatening to hurt my children before I would take up arms. Not to say ALL women are like me and ALL men are like my husband but certainly the averaged numbers are in my favor.

But are animals the same? Some are I would suppose. Does that indicate that it's genetic?

And if there is a genetic predisposition to 'protect' the fertility in women wouldn't that extend to future women? Girls? Could that explain to a small degree why our society (and MOST societies) treat girls and boys differently?

Just some thoughts. No answers, just questions.

6:15 this morning I am awakened by my husband telling me he needs a ride to the hospital. I note that his hand is wrapped in bandages and an ice pack and I roll out of bed. As the story unfolds I learn that he got in a fist fight at work. But since he's 31 now and not 16 the fight was with a trailer wall and not the offending co-worker's face. Still, the wall won.

There went all of MY PLANS! And I had big plans to go to a movie with the kids and my sister and her kids and Dawn and Dave. :-( So I left the sleeping kids in bed (don't call CPS there was a 9 year old here too) and drove Shawn to the hospital. Dropped him off and came back home. A few hours later he called and I went to pick him up. He gets to go next to the orthopedic surgeon at 11:30 where they will decide what to do next. Maybe surgery! Fun.

So worst case scenario here's what will happen. My husband's hand will be irreparably damaged and require surgery which we can't afford and have no insurance. On top of that he will get fired from his job for being an idiot and we will be unable to pay for any of our regular bill on top of having huge medical bills we can't pay. We will all die in poverty of starvation and heat stroke.

Best case scenario. Hand isn't broken, L&I covers all bills and pays for the few days of missed work. Work promotes him for showing great personal strength by not pummeling co-worker and we win the lotto and move to our own tropical island!

Here's hoping for the best.

I'm reading What Do I Do Monday by John Holt. I love this book. I love John Holt! It always amazes me how much sense everything he writes makes. And it depresses me that he wrote it all so long ago and it's all still so true. It makes me feel as though we haven't come far at all. :-(

More people need to read John Holt. It needs to be read and shouted from the roof tops. Teachers, politicians, and anyone else who likes to think of themself as an authority figure should have to read John Holt first.

Ok maybe not. But they should want to!

We rented The Way Home. It was good, so I thought I would mention it. :-)

It takes place in Korea and it's all in Korean with English subtitles. About a little boy who is obnoxious and goes to live with his grandmother who is nice to him. There's my summary. Hope it's not too wordy! ;-)

Mary Ellen wrote this, then this, and this. You should read them and the comments or my post here may not make much sense.

I blame it all on the women's movement!! Ok, I say that tongue firmly in cheek. But not completely. I think we're at a crossroads in our social evolution. We're at a point where wonderful, thinking mothers, like Mary Ellen, are saying things like this...

"Each of my daughters went through a stage of wearing only dresses and a stage of refusing to wear dresses. They are lucky. Boys don't get to make that choice. Unless they live in Scotland."

And she's right. Generally speaking boys today don't get to decide to head out for the day in a dress. And frankly, most probably don't want to. Maybe this is because they have been raised to believe that dresses are the sole territory of girls. But I bet if they all did go out in dresses many, dare I say MOST, would decide that dresses aren't all they are cracked up to be.

Anyway, the crossroads. Here's the thing. We had the women's movement. Very handy, now all the women can wear pants, play sports, have equal this and equal that. I know I'm being facetious. But I'm only 27. I've enjoyed these luxuries my whole life and didn't have to work for them at all. What can I say, I'm spoiled.

So we're in a post-feminist-movement time now where there is the firm belief that a woman can do anything a man can do as well if not better than any man out there. Which is super great for women. But not so great for men.

Now we've reached a stage where men (or us mom's with boys who will someday be men) start asking themselves "If girls can wear pants, why can't boys wear dresses?"

The truth is they can. Absolutely 100% CAN wear dresses. But there will be people standing in their way. In many cases the first people to stand in their way will be their own fathers who would never think to want to wear a dress.

But is that any different than the first women who started wearing pants? I honestly don't know, I wasn't there. But if I were to imagine I would guess that the first women to start wearing pants outside and around in society got the same kind of reaction as men in dresses do now.

Society would probably assume that she was confused, ill, homosexual, a rebel, trying to get a reaction, stuff like that. Her biggest opposition would probably have been other women, particularly older women who wouldn't even think to have done such a thing. As more women started wearing pants on a regular basis I bet all sorts of hell broke lose.
But in the end. Women wore pants, dresses, skirts, shorts, whatever they like. And I think men can, and possibly will, eventually do the same with dresses. But it won't happen unless they want it. It won't happen unless some (and then more and more) are willing to make the first move. And I don't think it will start with little boys in dresses. They're too fragile. It will be the teens and adults who have the conviction that men can do anything women can do AND wear a skirt.

If we really feel that your sons should be free to wear pink, wear dresses, and whatever other things we think they have been denied. Then why not just do it? Change can only come about by doing things differently. It's not going to make a difference at all to sit around and whine about it.

For the last six years I've been seeing this man. In the beginning it was something my sister conned me into even though I had misgivings and over the years I guess he just sort of grew on me.

It was about 2 years in to the relationship, I think, when I first wanted to call it quits. There were things he would say that would just piss me off. He had zero respect for me and said things that were so hurtful that normal people wouldn't put up with it. We had sort of a love hate relationship I guess. We agreed to disagree on a few things and other things I just kept from him.

The thing was he was always there when I REALLY needed him. And didn't bother me too much the rest of the time. I guess it's the old co-dependant in me that put up with all the crap for the few shining moments.

Plus there was the thought of finding someone else! That's a huge hurdle, one I wasn't ready to face at all. I guess I was just accepting what I had, worried that anything else might just end up being 10 times worse!

But on Thursday he dumped me. Dumped me for good. I knew it was coming. He'd actually told me the week before but then there was that one last phone call. Just that one last time. At first he pretended nothing had changed, although he was meaner than he had ever been before. Then, after a few extra snide remarks, he told me I would have to get what I needed from someone else from now on.

I wasn't sad at all. I was relieved, to be honest. And a little angry that I didn't have the guts to end it all myself 4 years ago.

So now the search begins for a new pediatrician, one that will accept us in spite of not vaccinating.

(What did you think I was talking about? ;-) )

I added a new recipe to Cheap Ass Gourmet and it deserves a brief explanation.

As you may know I grew up in a house of 8 people. There was one dinner, which was well loved by all which we simply called Chicken 'n' Rice. It involved 3 cans of cream soup (per dish and mom usually made 2) mixed with rice and topped with chicken (the kind with skin AND bones that no one buys anymore). Coated with a thin layer of seasoning salt and baked FOREVER! But it was worth it! And everyone loved Chicken 'n' Rice. Particularly the rice.

There's the catch. The rice was unanimously the best part. The rule was that you could only eat the rice that was cooked under the chicken that you ate though. Because otherwise we would end up with a pan full of uneaten chicken. So there were two strategies. The first was to take the back. See, the back didn't have a whole lot of meat but it covered a lot of rice. The other strategy was to take a leg (which were highly coveted as well) because there was a lot of 'no man's land' rice around a leg and it was fair game. No matter how you played the game though there never seemed to be enough rice.

I always wondered if it was possible to make just the rice. I was always told it was impossible because the chicken keeps the moisture in and allows the rice to cook. I believe we tried it once and found that to be true. The rice came out crunchy.

But my friends I have succeeded!!

The secret was something we should have guessed all along. Crockpot! I varied the recipe only slightly (less water) and was able to successfully make Chicken 'n' Rice in the crockpot. And as an added bonus it's completely possible to make it minus the chicken. :-)

This is a glorious day in my life!

I have made 'N' Rice!!